reject #15853 (nomoreblueskys) wrote,
reject #15853

oh geez

"Would you like to open saved draft?"

Why, yes, I do. After more than 4 years of posting an entry, yes.
This is what comes up;

"Josh and Matthew were arrested today."

That wasnt in 2007, that was after. In 2008 sometime. I must have logged into this all ready to type a post and didn't.

I end up looking at this once every 2 years or so, I am tired of reading the last 3 entries and how i sound.
I was clearly dumped by my boyfriend and still typed like and thought everything was ok. I figured if I didnt except it, it didnt happen.
It happened and I was pathetic. He had cheated on me, lied to me in every way possible and treated me like complete shit. All my energy for the next month after that entry was devoted to stealing him back from the whore who stole him from me.
I won.
Skip to a year later and we still fought all the time, did drugs like crazy, the weekly choke hold I was put into for various stupid reasons finally began to get old and boy were we poor. Dirt poor. He VERY rarely had a job. I provided. Not 100% sure if he cheated on me again after the 1st time but I sure as fuck never trusted him again, and he knew it. In turn, i became extremely insecure with myself and our relationship and always felt like I had double check everything he said and watch my back all the while going nuts because I could not trust anyone.
I am no longer with him (thank God).

That part of my life is finally over.

Why do we waste time on things we know won't last? Why do we hope so much for things to change when we know they won't?

...will write more later.
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